You Were Not Born to Live in Constant Contraction

What If the Problem Isn’t Life But the Way You’re Meeting It?

Note: This article was lovingly adapted from a spoken YouTube session by Kirsten Liegmann and is shared here with her blessing and permission. Her original words carried the heart of this message; this written version simply gives those insights another way to inspire you.

Most people think spirituality is something separate from life.

There's "real life" such as work, relationships, stress, schedules, responsibilities. And then somewhere off to the side there's spirituality. Something we try to fit in when we have time. Meditation. Prayer. Journaling. A podcast while driving.

But real awakening doesn't happen outside your life.

It happens inside the way you live it.

It happens in how you wake up in the morning. It happens in how you respond to stress. It happens in whether you spend your days contracted, or open.

Because many of us are living in a constant state of contraction and don't even realize it.

We wake up already carrying tension from yesterday. Our minds immediately move into worry, pressure, planning, anxiety. Even before our feet touch the floor, the nervous system is already bracing itself for life.

That used to be my normal.

Not dramatic suffering. Not nightmares. Just heaviness. Tightness. A subtle emotional weight that followed me into the day before the day had even begun.

And over time, I realized something important:

Those first moments after waking matter enormously.

They shape the tone of everything that follows.

So now, instead of immediately entering stress, I consciously move toward grounding, relaxation, appreciation, and gratitude. Not because I'm pretending life is perfect, but because I've learned that my inner state influences how reality unfolds for me.

And that's really what this work is about.

Not escaping life. Not becoming "spiritual." But waking up enough to stop being unconsciously controlled by fear, stress, reactivity, and emotional conditioning.

We Have Normalized Suffering

Stress has become so common that we barely question it anymore.

Anxiety is normal. Irritation is normal. Judgment is normal. Anger is normal.

People shrug and say, "Well, that's just human nature."

I don't believe that.

I think we've confused conditioning with identity.

We've mistaken survival patterns for who we truly are.

There's a difference between feelings and emotional reactions.

Real feelings like joy, appreciation, love, and wonder are deeply alive and energizing. They feel expansive.

But many of the emotional states we live inside every day are actually chemical reactions triggered by unconscious patterns, fears, and defenses.

And here's the empowering part:

Once you understand what is triggering those reactions, you are no longer trapped inside them.

You can begin to choose differently.

You can step out of automatic fear. Step out of contraction. Step out of unconscious emotional loops.

One liberation at a time.

That is what waking up means to me.

The Hidden Cost of Skepticism

One of the most powerful principles I've learned is something I call Open Curious Innocence. And strangely enough, one of the biggest obstacles to this state is skepticism.

Now, skepticism is often treated like intelligence. Like sophistication. Like wisdom.

But many forms of skepticism are actually just armored resistance.

It's a closed state.

It says: "Prove it to me." "Convince me." "I won't open until I feel safe."

But awakening doesn't happen through rigid defensiveness.

It happens through openness.

That doesn't mean becoming naive or believing everything blindly. Open curiosity is not gullibility.

It's the willingness to remain available to life.

To remain teachable. Responsive. Present. Aware.

To let mystery exist without immediately shutting it down.

Curiosity is alive. Curiosity expands us. Curiosity softens the nervous system.

And innocence, true innocence, may be one of the most powerful states we can enter.

Not childishness. Not weakness. Not passivity.

But innocence in the sense of openness without armor.

Like water.

Water does not harden itself against obstacles. It flows around them. Over time, it dissolves rigidity itself.

Imagine someone becomes angry with you.

Most people immediately contract. Defend. Close down. Prepare for battle.

But what if, instead, you remained open?

Not weak. Not submissive. Simply open.

What if you saw beyond their anger and recognized the human being underneath it?

What if you refused to let another person determine your state of being?

That kind of openness is not fragility.

It is profound strength.

Practice Opening Instead of Closing

Most of us have spent years training ourselves to contract.

Contract against pain. Contract against disappointment. Contract against uncertainty. Contract against life itself.

But contraction comes with a cost.

It creates tension in the body. Stress in the nervous system. Emotional exhaustion. Disconnection.

So here is the practice:

Notice every moment you begin to close.

When stress hits. When fear appears. When irritation rises. When someone says something uncomfortable.

Notice the contraction.

And instead of immediately tightening against life...

Open.

Open your heart. Open your breath. Open your body. Open your awareness.

Just for a moment.

And then observe what changes.

Because sometimes the greatest transformation doesn't begin with forcing life to change.

Sometimes it begins the moment we stop resisting it so completely.

If this question resonates, you may find the practices here useful.